When I start on a project, process, garden, or trip, I tend to think of it as an endeavor. I have my own understanding of the word, but I thought it might be wise to see what its background is. According to Etymologyonline, endeavor appears in English in the 15th c:

early 15c., "pains taken to attain an object," literally "in duty," from phrase put (oneself) in dever "make it one's duty" (a partial translation of Old French mettre en deveir "put in duty"), from Old French dever "duty," from Latin debere "to owe," originally, "keep something away from someone," from de- "away" (see de-) + habere "to have" (from PIE root *ghabh- "to give or receive"). One's endeavors meaning one's "utmost effort" is from late 15c.

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Okay, I tend to think of the word as meaning not so much a duty as the effort, or “pains one takes,” needed to pursue an objective or result of some sort. It is currently my duty to act as executor for my mother’s modest estate; but what I’m endeavoring to do is come to terms with being an orphan so late in my life, and to allow myself some minor mood swings, and to continue my daily activities–including writing. Because writing is so valuable when one is grieving. This is true even for people who are not writers, as James Pennebaker’s (and others’) research shows. [Here is a podcast from the APA as an introduction, if you are curious: https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/expressive-writing]

This doesn’t mean that writing while grieving is easier for writers. It isn’t. We may be more disciplined about doing the writing. Or we may not.

And endeavoring differs slightly from trying. For me, trying is sort of experimental or exploratory. It need not have some sort of object, beyond the goal of gaining a new experience. I’m not trying to get over my sorrow or trying to get up and do what has to be done. There’s purpose to my activities around facing the day, weeding and watering the garden, and sitting down to think and write. Maybe the purpose is just to be a human in the world. Maybe writing is just part of my particular process.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this post. The object today is just to put words on the page, thoughts into my brain, and to write.

today’s light breeze
I remember
hearing her laughter
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